As I explored thoughts and memories that led me to my story “Mirrors”, I began to vividly imagine not only my body in those moments but also my quiet, faded demeanor. “Mirrors” tells an important embodied story of my experience as a dancer and the way that my gender shaped who I am as a woman, but it fails to mention the stressed looked on my face as I worried about having to clean those very mirrors that night in order to pay for my dance fees. Throughout writing this narrative it is important for me, as well as the reader, to understand my identification as a woman and its implications on my self worth paired with my inability to have the best bodysuit, hairspray, or shiny new shoes as a result of my class. Where my physical being met my emotional and psychological being.
The counter narrative to the class of my fellow dancers was never popularized, and thus I only recognized myself as a result of being a ‘have-not’ rather than a ‘have’ (Gorski, 305) – it was never cool to be poor. I was already seeking to fulfill the stereotypical beautiful woman that reflection demanded just as Cassandra and Tayler explained through their similar stories of womanhood and bodies. But I tried to hide the fact that I was lower classed than many of the other girls so that I couldn’t be recognized as poor. So that I could no longer be criticized in order that my “friends” could remind themselves how much higher up they were than I (Gorski, 306).
These reflections in these mirrors – it is interesting to see now how we did not only see our bodies deeply, but we analyzed our entire being. Those mirrors, those reflections, looked deeper into us that we could have ever looked into them.
Gorski, P. C. (2012). Perceiving the problem of poverty and schooling: Deconstructing the class stereotypes that mis-shape education practice and policy. Equity & Excellence in Education, 45(2), 302-319. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1018477213?accountid